Halloween

Let me first start this brief blog by saying I'm not a huge Halloween guy. I do not mind the holiday, I do think it's fun and will still participate but I also feel like the dressing up aspect is more of a children's holiday regardless of where it's origins are rooted. Dressing up was never my thing plus my costume selection is severely limited by the fact that without my glasses I'm blind as your Nana trying to read a menu in any lighting less than a spotlight. I say this only to mention that my coming judgements are said in jest because I'm not any better, but the truth must be spoken!

As I got into my 20's it was still fun because all the ladies just took a normal character, added "slutty" to the description and voila! There's their costume. Slutty nurse, slutty cop, etc, etc... And when you tried to slide in "naughty" instead of "slutty" you weren't fooling anyone. It was easy to get dressed up when you're still looking for that special naughty librarian to take home to meet the parents... But as I got older, the desire to source clothing I'll wear uncomfortably for a few hours of my life has worn off, regardless of how many naughty astro-physicists are at this years shindig.

Now that I'm in my 30's and have children, the holiday seems custom made for them. Dress them up in cute little outfits and parade them around, filling them with way too much sugar along the way. It's awesome. As for my costumes, I'm going to be about as lazy as the rules allow and though I realize this, I find it funny that those adults that still 'love Halloween' are equally as (un)dedicated to their costume. So I've compiled my list of the 10 laziest Halloween costumes. (In no particular order)

1. The Athlete.
Most of us have a jersey of some kind, some of us have enough clothing in our closets to look like a faux-athlete. Putting on your Marshawn Lynch jersey does not make your costume Marshawn Lynch. Get a wig, some sunglasses or some BeastMode shoes.... The devil is in the details.

2. The Worker.
Whether you're a construction worker, lumberjack or office professional, these are clothes you have immediate access to. Doesn't count as a costume if you wear it to work anyway.

3. The Pun.
Although I can give credit to the creativity, most of the time it's a stretch. An example of a good one I can remember is a giant lego block with a Rooster on it... The classic Cock Block. Bravo to that. But if I have to solve a brain teaser to figure out what you are, it's not that good.

4. The Witch.
Although classic monsters are always in style, you need to commit if you're going to do it. Don't put on a pointy hat and a black shawl and claim to be magic. You better have a broom and some warts if you want points.

5. The Pirate.
Same as above... It's a Halloween staple, but don't put on eye patch and the same bandana that sits at the bottom of your drawer and tell me you're a buccaneer. Buccaneers don't wear Spiderman T-shirts.

6. The Hippy.
Actually this one isn't bad if you commit. A nice afro, the right colored glasses and you can make this work. But again, don't tell me you're about peace and unity if you're wearing loose pants and don't look stoned.

7. The Musician.
Eyeliner makes the costume.

8. The Princess.
Fufu dress and a wand huh? Bippity Boppity Booooooo.

9. The Cat or The Devil
Drawing whiskers on and putting a headband with cat ears does not constitute as a costume. Peter Criss did that every day for 30 years with full makeup. Same goes for devil horn headbands and a shitty $1 tail.

10. The Clark Kent. (This is actually always on my list of go-to's... lol)
A superman shirt, a button up and tie and some slacks and you're golden. I assure you, I've worn this identical outfit to work more than once. Although as a comic book nerd, I consider this costume awesome, it is nearly the laziest you can get for a costume.

With that said.... Clark Kent may be on the docket next October. Hopefully Justice League doesn't ruin that for me.

So the moral of the story? No real moral. I am guilty of trying to minimize my efforts for Halloween too, so don't be sour if you have been one or every one of these costumes at one point or another. Just realize you can do better... ;)