Progress

When you're young, you live your life in these little chunks of time. Recess always seemed like hours away, so no child cared about next week. Then you get into high school where you gain a little more perspective. "6 more months til I'm 16" , "This time next year I have to take the SATs" or "Oh shit, I have to mail my college applicaiton by Monday!" 

Your parents would bang it into your head over and over again. "What do you want to do after you graduate? Which college do you want to go to? Do you know what you want to major in?" But it just went in one ear and out the other. You know what I wanted to do? Go drink beer with my friends and see if I could makeout with someone... Preferably a female. 

If you take the college route, you either do two things- buckle down and bust your ass with your future in mind or dick off until the threat of failure leers at you. I took the latter route. I don't know when the switch turned on but I got accepted to the University of Washington in '04 and just subconciously decided to try for once. To that point, I never did the homework, I just aced the tests, so I always ended up with mediocre grades. Med-i-ocre. Thankfully my SATs helped support my argument to those in charge of letting me into the collegiant halls. 

Well I got in and just started the routine. I worked near full time as a waiter five minutes from my apartment that was essentially on campus and I lived by myself. That is until I enlisted Shady and 50 into my studious guild. Side bar: Shady is sleeping on the chair not 2 feet from me, while much like his name sake, 50 got caught slipping. Only he was not as fortunate as Mr. Jackson. But I digress. I stayed to myself and worked hard because I knew that progress is all I could ask for and you don't move forward without any effort. (Unless you're in space and someone pushes you from behind)

While at UW, I got recruited to help with the Literary Journal where I ended up being co-editor and contributor. I made the Dean's List more times than not and I stayed at it even through summer and finished 3 months earlier than everyone. Did I want to stick around for graduation to sit in the hot sun while they called 2,000 individual names that I don't recognize to a stage for a fleeting moment? Nope, I went to Italy "for work" and had the time of my life. But by now, there was no more wasted effort. Everything I did was to make progress. 

"How is a trip to Italy a move of progress?" You ask. 

Well I'll tell you. I worked for an Italian restaurant and we visited many wineries and had private tours and tastings with the owners of the vineyards; Some that were hundreds of years old. When I got back, my basic knowledge from the experience mixed with my self-proclaimed silver tongue led to HUGE WINE SALES. Money is progress, believe me. This is when I realized work could still be enjoyable if you actually liked the work.

Upon returning from Europe, I realized I had accomplished the goal of a college degree that l I had blindly chased for quite some time. I didn't have any grand plans for what to do next. I just knew I had to keep working. So I kept my job as a waiter as I started looking for "college graduate jobs"... Turns out, everyone else is looking to do that too? Weird. Cut forward to May of '08. I had gone through two "college graduate jobs" and hated both of them. All the while, staying employed at the restaurant to ensure I was making progress. The other jobs gave decent pay but they just didn't fit me. By this time I've rekindled a relationship I had thought about constantly since 2002, asked her to marry me (she said yes by the way) and I had an interview at a place that sold bedding stuff. BOO-RRING.

I got the job. 

I started  as an assistant to the purchasing department. I did the bitch work. But it was at this time where I finally had the clear motivation; a soon to be wife, plans to buy a house, plans for a family, student loans, etc etc etc... With those motivations, it's easy to stay busy. I kept my head down and busted my ass. My wife did the same. We live a humble life and have never stopped our forward motion. We've both moved up the corporate ladder and there still seems like plenty of room to climb and I just had a Powerbar. 

Up until now it felt like we were in a ditch we could never dig out of. Tangible progress was a decade away. But here we are in 2014 and the progress is finally starting to show. The whole time you work and work and work and feel like you're never going to get on top of things, but you do. 

I no doubt inherited my value of hard work from my Dad. I've never met a guy so dedicated to integrity and hard work. It was a little daunting to be honest. We may not have always had the newest stuff but we were absolutely never lacking; That's a pretty high bar when you're looking at tens of thousands of dollars in student loans while getting paid shit. But he always said "just work hard and it'll come." He recently passed away and it's a little annoying at how some things he always preached didn't really click until it was too late to give him the credit for the lesson.

There's always going to be obstacles, hardships and new goals. That's by design. We seek things we desire, which requires effort to obtain, and it's just a matter of prioritizing your desires. But I'm just writing to say that as long as you're doing your best and working hard, you'll eventually see all the progress you've made and are making and life instantly becomes a little less rigid. You don't want to work your ass off for nothing, so it's natural to want some tangible evidence that you're working for something... Just don't take 'tangible' so literal and I think you'll find it too if you're doing your best.

What in the Michael Sam hell is he doing?

Back when I read about NFL hopeful Michael Sam coming out of the closet I was struck with a few immediate thoughts.” I bet he wants to be a 49’er.” was my initial thought. My second thought was “Who the hell is Michael Sam?” I’m relatively up on college football and I had never heard of him. My final thought was “I sure hope he’s good.”

I welcome the social progress with open arms, but let’s not be naïve here; If he’s not good, this won’t make much of a social impact. Until we have a hard-nosed, respected  and feared opponent that also likes to watch musicals in his spare time, the stigma will still strongly exist. So as I watched the commentary progress from the announcement on ESPN to the NFL combine a couple weeks later, followed by the NFL Draft just last week, I waited.

Sam, the SEC Co-Defensive Player of the Year last year, on paper is a good player. His stats earned him multiple prestigious honors, his teammates respected him and he seemed like a good kid. However, his performance at the NFL Combine was poor. (For any non-NFL readers, the combine is where prospects go to workout for coaches to measure speed, strength, etc in preparation for the draft)

Some people were disgusted that he didn’t get drafted until the last round . “Oh, nobody took him because he’s gay.” Shut the hell up. He didn’t get drafted until then because he’s really not that good.  He performed poorly at the combine and didn’t impress much at any public workouts. People drop from mid-round projections to being undrafted every single year. Let’s also not forget that these projections are determined by countless assholes in the media who spew non-sense as if they’re certified NFL dieties that nobody will question.

 I for one was excited at the prospect of having a stud NFL linebacker as openly gay. It’s good for the players, it’s good for the league and it will be good for society. Which makes this post-draft circus all the more disgusting.

At first I was able to ignore the media. It’s a talent you must develop in order to consume anything on TV while remaining mildly un-retarded. The first wave was him coming out—“celebrate his courage.” Then was the combine—“he didn’t perform as well as he could have.” Then reality arrived.

At the draft, the media can play it’s part but at the end of the day, if you are good enough, a team will find a way to use you. Sam was chosen in the 7^th and final round of the draft (249^th of 256 picks). This essentially means that you’re going to have to bust your ass in every facet of the game in order to make that roster.  Not only do you need to perform on the field, you have to convince your coaches and teammates that you’re poised to be an NFL player off the field as well. Now that Sam has been drafted to the St. Louis Rams, this is his opportunity to be the leader of a new era of sports.

While Sam seemingly is a good kid, it was the article I read today that tells me this attempt at progress will fall flat and here is why. As mentioned, Sam’s draft position means he’s got a lot of work to do between today and August when the 53 man roster must be determined. That is common knowledge from the waterboy to the GM of the team. Guys in his position have to want it.

Sam doesn’t want it.

Shortly after the draft he had an interview where he rightly attended to the subject of how his being openly gay will affect his football career. He said he was just going to focus on football and that’s all that matters. CORRECT ANSWER! The question is, did he mean it? Generally that’s a judgement call to make, but I’m not calling Judge Judy on this one, this one is obvious. Michael Sam followed that quote with an announcement a few days later that he’s going to have a reality TV show on Oprah’s network…………. Um……….. You BARELY got drafted, haven’t even made the team and when your comments implied that you’d like to quiet the media commentary on his sexual preference, he goes and gives them an amplifier, dozens of microphones, arena sized speakers and OPRAH-FUCKING-WINFREY. ?.?.?

Now here is why I’m upset. He announced his business to the world likely for himself and/or his family. I applaud him for that. However, in his position, he had to understand the baggage that came with that. Whether he likes it or not, he’s now an official representative and he is blowing his boyfriend opportunity. It’d be one thing if he gave it his all and just couldn’t make the team; At least then we’d go to sleep having to believe he did his best. That is the characteristic that people want to associate with. But if you’re working reality TV deals before you even get your jersey, you’re an idiot, arguably selfish and frankly irresponsible. The only saving grace to the deal is that I do agree that if it helps get his story out to people struggling with similar issues, it’s productive. Apparently a 15 year old kid came out to his father as they watched Sam get drafted. That is invaluable. 

With all that said, doing what he's doing now will likely result in him getting cut, if for nothing else, because the team was concerned about his focus given his decisions. That's like selling your shares of stock knowing that with a little hard work and dedication, you could take that private company public. Sure you’re going to get the topic to the forefront, but if you don’t even make the team, your ability to keep the issue relevant for a long period of time is shortened to whatever community centers will let you speak while the Rams are on TV.  

I’m fully aware that as I sit here at my dining room table complaining, most of my problems likely do not coincide with that of a 24 year old kid who just go drafted in the NFL. But common sense should bind us all. If it did, this place would run much more smoothly.

All in all, I still completely support the kid (even though he’s on a division rivals team). I’m just disappointed at the execution of this all. He is publicly falling short of his potential and that bums me out. Fifty years down the road, I’d like to have seen him remembered as a pioneer. But right now, he’s more likely to end up on a list with Ryan Leaf and Bryan Bosworth.