I vividly remember going to Cheney, Washington (hours from anywhere) to watch training camp with my brother and cousins; I remember sitting at the very top row in the Kingdome and sliding down the cement embankments during Seahawks games. I remember getting pulled out of school to the one-game play-in game against the Angels in '95. If memory serves, you could even smoke inside at one point!
I say all that to illustrate that when I was a kid, The Kingdome embodied a place where people (the males in my family in particular) connected in a way that resonated both figuratively and physically at a common tone. During game day, the building was sacred and it was a place where sanctity and competition were celebrated in the form of unity over a sports team and the routines that came with it. During those handful of hours, you lent your support to people you'd likely never meet but felt loyal to none the less; And you held that same blind comradery with everyone around you. In a way it was freeing and it was how I got to know my dad and brother. So in my head, the stadium was pure in a way...
I mean, I thought this until I realized that my memories ignore the fact that I was a kid that was blind to the non-sense that has surely been around forever.... I say that in jest, but I figured out something today that has eluded me for a while now.
My whole life we've had season tickets to the Seahawks. Because of that fact, the novelty of going to a game in person is not what it might be to someone who can count the number of games they've attended on one hand. And when I see the way some people's eyes light up when they talk about going to the game, I wonder why I've lost that same fire. I love the Seahawks... Hands down my favorite team of all time and there is no question that watching all of their games is a priority of mine. But why am I indifferent to going to the games these days?
I figured it out and here is a list I'm considering to be plausible reasons for my desire to stay home for the games.
Examples derived from Seattle Seahawks vs. Atlanta Falcons game 10/16/2016
-The Know It All
This guy constantly yells at both the refs and coaches as to what they should be doing. He knows the routes from each play and how they're intended to be ran as well as what defensive packages they should be using. Today after broken coverage led to an Atlanta touchdown a gentleman was yelling about how we need to "stop running so much fucking man to man, man!"... Meanwhile, anyone who played a down of defensive football would know by looking at the players positioning that we were in zone coverage. Now consider you're in a meeting where someone continues to complain that Alaska is not a federally recognized state and cannot be convinced otherwise. How would you deal with this person?
-The Yeller
This guy is pretty self-explanatory. Whether he's yelling "come on" or "that's what I'm talking 'bout babaaaaaay", it's not his 6-inch voice. I know we're at a sporting event and I'm proud of our stadium being known as one of the loudest in the world, but it's all about the timing. If the stadium has fallen to a calm due to a time out or a challenge, this is not the time to scream from a hundred yards away to your intended conversation partner. Nobody is impressed with how hype you can get during a timeout.
-The Swearer
I'm the first to admit that I'm a potty mouth by choice. I love the shits and fucks of the world, but I also know that it has it's time and place. I'm comfortable dropping a 'shit' in a casual conversation but it's how you present the shit that makes it palatable. Yelling "you fucking piece of shit" repeatedly at someone who cannot hear you seems unnecessary, no?
-The Selfie Girls
I don't care if you call this sexist, it is data I've collected over my adult life and I feel comfortable arguing the point, so let's get that out of the way. Women who go to a football game and do not pay attention are the worst. In no way am I saying they do not deserve to be there or that this complaint is restricted to humans without a penis, I'm just saying that it's obnoxious to have people Snapchatting their time at the game instead of watching it. It doesn't infringe on anyone's experience, it's just OB-noxious. How would it look if I went to a ballet and spent the whole time taking selfies and playing Candy Crush? Disclaimer: When I start seeing men doing this, I will change the heading to Selfie People.
-The Bros/The Lush
I love my friends. I love going to games with my friends. I can enjoy tying one on with my friends. What I don't like is when my friends drink too much and act like assholes. The Bros are the collective group of adult('ish) men whose sole purpose for game day is to drink beer and watch football. Although my window for dealing with drunk strangers is shrinking (I don't drink much), I have zero issue with people getting hammered and cheering their hearts out at the game. It's that wolfpack mentality a group of guys get when they get too keyed up. Typically the group starts to employ all of the above qualities and as they get more and more excited, they start to get rowdy then you start to get annoyed with having to dodge their pinball'esque movements as you clutch your still hot coffee. Get crazy boys, but realize you're sharing a confined space and not everyone is as excited that you ate all of your buddies garlic fries while he was in the bathroom. Similarly, The Lush is the single guy in a group (or alone) who is doing everything he can to make it through the game without puking or passing out. He'll bump into you with his boozy breath, spill his drinks and say things like "Albert Pujols should be playing tight end!"
-The Father of 2 Who Complains About Going To a Stadium
In reflecting on going to the stadium, it's apparent that I am diving into a sea of people that represent life in all shapes and smells... On the whole, the people are great and the environment is electric, but I'd just as soon be watching on my couch with my drooling baby on my shoulder than sitting in the cold with a drooling stranger on my shoulder.
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