Weekend Warrior

Why am I writing this blog? Well, I’m not exactly sure. I know I told myself four blogs in three days. It was an attempt at making sure I stay on top of my writing. A new declaration of sorts. Well I wrote #1 last night. I would’ve liked to have sorted through the ideas in my head earlier today, but the day has come and gone and my many chores have been accomplished but I sit in front of my computer mentally and physically exhausted from the day and struggle to find a topic.

I suppose the wife being out of town puts an interesting spin on my weekend. I guess it’s normal as any other weekend, but when she’s gone I feel motivated to ensure that I accomplish stuff. Like she leaves the fort so I want her to know that when she gets back, shit has been taken care of. In putting that to paper I realize how much my wife does around the house. I was busy all damn day just getting stuff done around the house. But my wife, very much like my mother, likes to maintain a pristine domain. And I think we’re good for her imminent return.

I wonder if I can squeeze in 9 before I have to get her from the airport? Hmmm… Ah shit, I’ll be writing blog #3. I suppose that’s a good thing. I digress.

You know what’s funny? The house is clean now, but if you walked in this morning you would think there were three college students living here. I had left shit laying everywhere. Plates on my desk, dirty dishes in the sink (we have a dishwasher), my coat was on the couch. Pillows scattered around the living room (Thanks Kota), bed unmade, closets open… It was ridiculous. I woke up this morning and just getting fresh eyes on the house, I thought, “damn, I’m a fucking slob.”

After a day of knocking chores out with a Van Damme windmill kick, I got down to business and cleaned the house. Truthfully the day was not as laid back as I had pictured it. But I did realize the allure to when the wife leaves town. I think men are pre-disposed to have a variety of annoying habits that in small increments can be either charming or at the very least, a little humorous. But it’s when you start to string the annoying actions together that women start to glare.

The other night some commercial came on with a rather attractive female and I said “ooh”, she gave me the stink eye and my response was a boisterous fart. I thought it was hilarious but she did not. Now had I done one or the other, I think it’d escape that steal trap of a memory of hers, but instead she made a mental note that she married a pig.

The point I’m trying to make is that when the wife is gone I can connect every annoying habit together with a string of freedom. I shit with the door open, I had ice cream for breakfast, I watched Sportscenter in the nude, I blasted Ted Nugent for an hour as I roamed the house procrastinating before I attacked the day. And attacked the day I did. I had that bitch in a darse choke but when I spent an hour and a half taking my weed whacker apart because it’s a piece of shit, putting it back together then having the pull cord snap… the day escaped from my darse choke, rolled out and stayed out of my reach until the bell rang.

Overall the day was a success. I just wish I could’ve submitted that bitch.

In any case it’s late, I have my Beethoven Pandora channel playing and I’m writing this blog. I think I shall spend some time tweaking my book, then ending the night with a few chapters from Mockingjay (The Hunger Games part III). Great book.

Anyway I’m out. Hopefully you readers made it to the end.