This blog is for my socially awkward. Not like a nose-picker, a non-bather or even the guy who can’t look you in the eye when you talk… I’m talking about the ones that don’t know when to speak, don’t know when to shut up and the ones that are far too concerned with the wrong things.
Have you ever been in a situation where someone did or said something that left you totally dumbfounded? Not that kind of social off-balance you get when someone sneezes without covering their mouth, but the type of uncomfortability you get when someone does or says something that is totally weird but must’ve sounded normal passing through their cerebral cortex?
Prime example: You’re at work and you have a meeting with a number of people. Your office is pretty large so you aren’t completely familiar with everyone in your office, so sometimes these meetings are among strangers for the most part.
You enter the room to find two people sitting at the table already. One minute until the scheduled start time and there are only 3 of the 9 people present for the meeting. You politely greet the other two, sit down calmly and try and fill the awkward silence pretending to write down important last minute thoughts for the meeting, or check your emails on your phone. Not because you lack the social skills to conversate, rather you realize that time is limited and the possibility for any substance to be uncovered isn’t worth the warm up you have when starting a conversation with someone new.
As you all contently sit in silence, one person ruins the moment by right hooking the silence with a generic comment like, “Is today over yet?” Sure. Let’s bond over the fact that we don’t like work. I feel that connection is unique to the dynamic you are trying to build here.
The other person is clearly relieved that the silence was broken and they follow with, “I know. I can’t wait to go home. I just got a new kitten and I want to play with him.” Ok, I’m an animal lover, I get the statement, but there is something about our inaugural interaction revolving around your excitement to play with a cat that draws me away from finding interest in our conversation.
But then the title of King Awkward is relinquished by Meeting Colleague #1
Colleague#1:“Ohhhhh… You got a new kitten? That’s so cute. What did you name it?”
Colleague#2:”Thor.”
Colleague#1:“Ohhhh… Thor? That’s so cute. I really want a kitten.”
Colleague#2:”Oh yeah?”
Colleague#1:“Yeah. My husband and I just got a divorce… Oops, I guess he’s not my husband anymore.” They say with an unsure but unabashed manner.
“Yeah, you know how it goes… I miss him. But it’s for the better.” They say with the intention of convincing me, but we know where this is going.
“Yeah. It’s definitely for the better. I wasn’t meant to be held down anyway. I always wanted to travel and now I….”
People begin to file in.
I don’t care where that conversation was going, I’d like to get off on the next stop please. Is there a state in this country of ours where divulging a detail such as being freshly divorced within the first 100 words you speak to someone, is normal?
I could write a book on awkward people and their awkward moments… A chapter per person, I could fill a damn book, I swear. And it feels like more and more people are starting to lose the concept of social grace. I’m going to call this phenomenon “The Awkwardian Movement”. Slowly the preservatives we consume in our food on a daily basis are eroding our social filters and unnecessary conversations begin to occur on a more consistent basis.
This could be anything from an adult literally begging for gossip to fill their night, a friends family member divulging too many details on family affairs. Or that guy that continually tries to strike up a conversation knowing damn well, you two have nothing in common.
I could go all night. And I probably would if I knew you guys would read it. But something tells me that since you are all so used to reading 140 characters or less, that my blog may take too much time away from your status updates or your YouTube adventures… No offense meant--- I too have ridden the white rhino into the bright light of the information superhighway.
Fuck me running, I’m tired.
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